ok i know this is written in the previous post but,

i went on a fast because of this book i was reading, it's titled Fasting as unto the Lord. apparently, fasting has a lot of benefits, of which included training spiritual discipline, knowing God's will, achieving more effective prayer(or something like that), and all these arrive because we crucify the flesh, and as such our spirit man is able to take over and surrender to the Lord. 

and the (sadly) most tempting benefit i saw was that fasting had a benefit to health. yes you heard me right. what happens is that our body stops oxidising carbs and fats once they're finished, and we start to use our own cells for energy. yup, we start to eat ourselves. so which cells go first? naturally, the sick, dying, old, ugly, mean, and cancerous cells. 

generally what I attained through this fast was a greater sense of self awareness, meaning how aware i was of myself(God revealing more of myself to me), and what i felt toward God. 

so, day 1

I felt led to this message, and somehow i felt God telling me that this fast was what he had in mind, not a random spontaneous idea blooming from my own mind. and so, with that, i went on for 4 more days. 

Day 2

a journal entry:

I've been daunted by the apparent task of having 1 hour with God. there is a wariness of running out of things to say, things to do, things to pray for, even within the span of 1 hour. maybe i should start contemplating how people can actually spend 1 hour in pure prayer, and maybe it's not so much about talking for 1 hour, but spending a large part of that time in silence. & I know i've really terrible tendency to be distracted whilst in prayer. Even as of now, I keep imagining myself telling others about a successful fast. the strange thing is, i don't even know what this fast is about, what it's for. I do know i was drawn by the health benefits of a fast and from a guilty conscience after reading that fasting is a spiritual discipline. 

I hope there is something more to this fast.

Verse for the day: Ezekiel 9:4-5

I felt that the message from this verse was that God does not want us to be indifferent to the sin around us. 

Day 3 had nothing that i learned, although i did try to faithfully continue reading the book of Ezekiel. 

Day 4

a journal entry:

I'm before You

hungry, tired, but nowhere near

as naked as I hope to be

These rags still cling loosely to me

Each time i pull them off

They drag alongside my feet

in a while, to be picked up, worn over

Your dazzling robes, whiter than fresh sleet

Even now, if i rup them off

only just to wear them back

rip off these soiled, stained, dirty clothes

It brings me joy, to bring you joy

even for a moment

I know the work has been done. that i've got a seat reserved for me at the largest banquet since... since ever. and so when you asked me why i'm running helter skelter after You, i had to pause for a moment. 

at first i wanted to answer that i didn't need a reason to love You. but i'm not You, i'm me, flawed and cracked. and so i realised i had a bit more than a million reasons(i think), of which only a few i could remember and effectively put into english.

i can't not run after You, I cannot. in the light of who You are, what You've done, I cannot sit back with a satisfied smile, knowing that things will turn out bright and sunny at the end of time. I do not earn your approving nod by the things I do, but futile as it sounds, I'd earn at least my own nod of approval. 

something in me starves for you, it seems to be thirsting to death, and it's reminiscent of how men crawl through a hot desert in search of life giving water. and thankfully I crawl to no mirage. You said the water You give will never let anyone thirst again. But I want to thirst for You! I want to drink and drink, until i can drink no more. and then i want to drink again!

I want to love You more. But things keep getting in the way. Now that i've rediscovered this hunger in the midst of another hunger, i'm not sure what's next. But I know what's here is what should be here. 

verse for the day: Psalm 53 : 3

Everyone has turned away,

they have together become corrupt;

There is no one who does good,

not even one.

message: throw away your self-righteousness and your memories of your good works.

Day 5

a journal entry:

I want to know You're here, to feel You holding me each and every step of the way. I'm not asking for power to exorcise demons(although that would be cool), but i'm asking that i'll walk closely with You. I don't need the ability to predict the future with a holy divine premonition, but i want the assurance of Your voice when things go wrong.

I'd be satisfied with a slow quiet and powerful life with You. I don't ask to travel around the world giving world class energy-filled exuberent sermons.

All in all, I want to do what You want me to do.

well i just have 1 last thing to say. i was very weak throughout this week. it was really a weakday(weekday, geddit?) for me. it's not like how i imagined it to be, with divine strength, visions of splendour, angels in the loft and stuff. it was, in fact, very unglam. i was extremely sleepy, i fell asleep each time. and i think i only managed to spend half an hour each day for this devotion.

nevertheless, i do not regret it. although it was rather hard for me(i can be quite hungry at times). i just feel that we in amkmc don't seem to fast, or at least we don't know about others fasting. but if you want to ask me any questions( i can't answer like Joe P and give you a bible verse on each reply, but if you want, i can give a lame joke on each reply) or borrow that book about fasting, just lemme know. 

OK I KNOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRAYER POINTERS. BUT I REALLY THINK THAT THIS WILL BENEFIT US!

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